Emotion coaching (name–validate–limit–plan)
Aim (what it achieves)
Help pupils regulate so they can re-enter learning.
When to use
When you see frustration, anger, shutdown, or anxious avoidance building.
How to use (steps)
Teacher language (examples)
“I can see you’re frustrated.” “It’s okay to feel that.” “It’s not okay to shout.” “Take 2 minutes, then start Q1.”
Top tips (makes it work)
Low voice, few words; give time; return later to plan.
Common pitfalls
Arguing about feelings; validating the behaviour; long conversations in the heat.
SEND/PP considerations
Highly protective for SEND/PP; reduces escalation caused by shame or overwhelm.
Tags
Sources
Used in
Behaviour Matrix
- Repair & Rebuild Chatting during independent work
- Repair & Rebuild Off-task / fiddling / low-level distraction
- Repair & Rebuild Work avoidance / blank page / ‘I can’t’
- Repair & Rebuild Low-level defiance / arguing / ‘No’ (mild)
Related strategies
Agree a private cue (teacher–pupil signal plan)
Prevent repeat escalation by giving a discreet ‘reset’ signal.
Success-first restart (rebuild competence before demand)
Reduce avoidance and defiance by giving an immediate, achievable success that re-engages the student with learning.
Co-regulation micro-routine (calm body, calm brain)
Help pupils return to a regulated state so they can comply and learn; reduces escalation driven by dysregulation.
Collaborative problem solving (Plan B meeting)
Solve recurring problems by identifying triggers and lagging skills.
Close the loop (end the episode cleanly)
Prevent grudges and ‘carry-over’ by explicitly signalling that the incident is finished and the relationship is intact.
Defer the debate, then follow through (private resolution)
Avoid power struggles by postponing discussion, then genuinely resolving it later so pupils trust the boundary.